Philadelphia Black Gay Pride 2006 (4/27-4/30)

It's time to celebrate your pride. Philly kicks off the official Black Pride season and you are cordially invited to our city to party and enjoy what we have to offer. I'm a litte late putting this up since Pride is this weekend, but better late than never.

Here is a couple of events that you should definitely try to attend if you're in the area (Sorry the pic is so small, but I don't know how to make it bigger):

Philly's Pride has a whole host of events that are going on, so check the Official Pride Website for more details. Happy Pride!

On The Move

The past month has been a blur for the most part. Since the middle of last month I have been madd busy at the full time job because we applied for a new CDC research grant. The grant took a lot of time and research to put together and unfortunately we only had 4 weeks from the time the grant was released to submit it. So a brotha was hustlin' e'ry day at work with the small team of people that were putting the grant together. We won't know whether or not we got it until June or July, so I'm putting it out of my mind so that I don't get worked up about it. The one thing that was funny though is that we were putting the pieces of the proposal together up the last minute literally. We had to get the package to Fed Ex by 8pm or else the package wouldn't get to it's destination in time. So here we are at 7:45 still putting things together and I'm about ready to give up, because I'm thinking it's just not possible. Somehow we did it. So at 7:55 we have the copies needed, but the boxes weren't even packed up properly, but me and my co-worker hustled to get to the Fed Ex on Broad Street before 8pm. We hit the street runnin'. Well I'm a little out of shape these days, so I couldn't run more than a block in a half of the 4 blocks needed to get to the Fed Ex (LOL), so I had to, lets say, walk fast the rest of the way. We get there and the lady wouldn't take the package! We pleaded with her and she denied us, but said we had 'til 8:15 to get to the 15th and Market store. So we hauled ass over there only to not know exactly where it was. Unfortunately it wasn't an external store, but none the less we eventually found it and ran in, just in time to get the package in before they closed. I mean if we were 3 more minutes later, we wouldn't have made it and all that work would have been for nothing.

In other news, a brotha has landed a new part time gig. As I have shared before I have been doing fee for service mental health therapy in the Germantown section of the city for a year now. Recently I found out that the Mazzoni Center, a GLBT health clinic in Philly was looking for a therapist for their mental health program. I immediately applied as I was interested in mental health work with the GLBT community. I interviewed last week and she hired me on the spot and I went through my orientation yesterday. I am planning to take on my first clients next week. I think Mazzoni will help me develop my clinical skills a little more than the other place I've been at has. Initially, I was planning to leave NHS once I started at Mazzoni, but after going to that conference last week, I feel a need to continue doing work within the general Black community, particularly with young Black men. So to that end, I decided to remain at NHS only one day a week. Two major pluses with Mazzoni are that it's only around the corner from my full time job and they pay more. Closer AND pay more.......you can’t ask for more!

Lastly, Black Pride in Philly is coming up this weekend and The Black Gay Men's Leadership Council has been busy planning a couple of events we have coming up. On Friday afternoon we are hosting a Civil Rights panel to discuss some of the unfair harassment and discrimination that young Black gay and trans persons have been experiencing on Philadelphia's notorious13th street. The panel will go beyond that though and will also discuss ways that people can keep themselves safe from police brutality among other things. We will also be debuting a police safety palm card that we will widely distribute in the community. I developed a press release that went out on Monday to alert local media of the event and we hope to get some press coverage from at least a couple of places. If I can get a jpg version of the palm card, I will put it up on my blog. We're also hosting a professional Black Gay and Lesbian networking event at the Walnut Room in Philly on Saturday. I think we'll get a good turn out there as well.

Also me and the man celebrated our 1 year anniversary yesterday. I can't believe how time flies. We actually met during Black Pride here in Philly last year, so this weekend will be a little reminiscent of what took place just over a year ago. We decided to go to the restaurant in South Philly where we had our first date. The best part of the meal was the shrimp appetizer we ordered. It was absolutely heavenly. The main dish wasn't bad either and the desert I chose was divine too. One year down and hopefully many more to come.

Those are pretty much the highlights of the past month. I hope to be a little more regular with the blogging because I don't want people to only check on me once a month, because I post so rarely. I'm planning to post something else before the end of the week, so stay tuned.

Poor, Young, Black & Male

I attended a 2-day conference at the University of Pennsylvania, here in Philadelphia about the state of young Black men in America. The actual title was "Poor, Young, Black & Male: A case for national action?" The conference pulled together several excellent panels of experts who have done research and direct service work with young Black men in America. They had two lunch sessions, with powerful keynote speakers for each. On Thursday they had Cornel West, whose talk was titled "Strong men Keep Coming" and on Friday Michael Eric Dyson spoke on "Brother's gonna work it out?". Overall the two days were a mix of sadness, grief, inspiration and motivation. One thing that was left out, as usually is in Black male spaces was the conversation on how Black gay men fit into the picture. I think we all know that anything young Black men experience, young Black AND gay men experience even deeper, having to deal with an extra level of oppression and discrimination.

One of the panels was about the disproportionately high incidence of suicide among young Black men. I can’t recall the figures, and there were no handouts at the conference, but young Black men have a much higher suicide rate than young women do. The man presenting on this data also noted in his research that Caribbean young men who lived in the US had an even higher rate of suicide attempts than American born Black men. I think this speaks to the need to improve and give greater access to mental services for young Black men. I think these services ideally need to be provided by Black folk. I think it also speaks to the need beyond that to really work on building the self-esteem, self worth and resiliency of our young people, both boys and girls. I work with a few young men in my mental health work and these are the very things I work on with them. A few of them don't have a father figure who is consistent in their lives. I am currently working on mending the relationships of two of my male clients’ relationships with their fathers. I think this is important work, because both parents (mother and father) if possible need to be involved in their children's lives. This conference lit the fire under me to continue doing this work, but it also challenged me to figure out how I can be involved on a more macro level, because individual work doesn't necessarily create the larger change that's needed to more qualitatively improve the state of young Black men.

Michael Eric Dyson, talked about the failure of our Black public figures to effectively deal with uplifting Black folks. He talked about Bill Cosby's verbal assault on poor Black folks needing to pick themselves up and stop blaming the White man for their situations. Dr. Dyson made a very good point, which is simply that it's very easy to blame the victim, which is what has been done for many years, but it's another thing entirely to fight against the White system of oppression and other larger systems that don't provide the resources necessary to help the poor and marginalized truly improve their circumstances. Welfare, while it helps people meet their basic needs, does not in itself help to improve the state of Black folks. To me it's like taking medicine for a cold, you may treat the symptoms (immediate basic needs, such as food and shelter), but you're not doing anything to the virus that's causing the cold (i.e.: lack of access to resources, substandard education, institutional discriminations, etc).

Dr. Dyson also talked about some of the powerful sociological prose in hip hop and cited some lyrics from Tupac Shakur and The Notorious B.I.G. to exemplify how hip hop has the insight and power to transform young Black men, but most hip hop figures fall short of moving lyrics into action. Following are my thoughts and not those espoused by Dr. Dyson, but I often feel that many rappers also glorify detrimental values to young Black men, via violent and misogynistic lyrics. Another short coming of the hip hop community is a lack of collective efforts to develop structures and systems in urban cities across the country to promote education, economic development and to fight discrimination that plagues decimated urban communities around the country. Imagine if all the rappers who make millions of dollars off of urban youth (and lots of money from white suburban youth and youth in countries outside the US), gave a minimum of $500,000 from each of their album sales, which often makes them multi-millions. If they took that money and put it into a national coalition that was dedicated to helping rebuild neighborhoods that suffer from poverty, urban decay and lack of economic resources, we would see massive changes. Add to that, if other Black entertainers and sports figures did the same thing, imagine what these communities and the state of Black folk would look like. I think for far too long we have depended on the government to help solve this issue and we now see that it will never happen if that's our sole source of hope. They have found billions of dollars to pump into the war in Iraq over a relatively short period of time, but have not chosen to attack poverty and urban decay with the same hate and viciousness. I do believe that many Black entertainers and public figures are doing this kind of work, but if their efforts were more centralized, the impact would be much greater.

There was so much more to this conference, all of which I couldn't even begin to encapsulate in one post. I am hoping they will provide all the presentations and discussions from the conference on their website as the information shared is too valuable not to be documented. The conference has inspired me to do my part in helping to improve the lives of young Black men. While I also have a focus on Black gay men, we are all part of a collective community and I hope that eventually our Black heterosexual brothers will see that gay and straight, we are one and need to stick together as neither of our lives are expendable and sexual orientation is but one part of what makes us who we are.

Pro-Creation/Gay Marriage Debate

Over the past couple of days, I've gotten wrapped up in a debate on pro-creation and gay marriage and homosexuality. Below I am posting some of the replies of folks on the site and then my reply to them. I think that I put forth a lot of good points to refute the logic of these pro-creation and anti-gay marraige zealots. Click here to access the actual post on the site the debate is taking place. FYI, the block quotes point out where the site author quoted me or on occassion someone else who posted a comment, so that he could respond to specific things we said. All of my comments are bolded. What are your thoughts on the debate or on the topic itself? I'd love to hear comments for or against.

The Debate
“Makes me wanna holler, the way the do my life.” That sums it up. Two people of the same sex should not be afforded the same rights as my husband and I. Being gay is a CHOICE. I don’t choose to be black it is what I was born with. You don’t have to go around telling people that you are gay. When people look at me it is evident that I am black. There is absolutely no comparison in the civil rights movement and the behavior of being GAY!!!!

Comment by Saudia

"And it’s stuff like what I read here that usually drives us away from our communities and families — taking our gifts and our strengths with us."

What exactly?

"As for reproduction, I can reproduce. No, not with my partner, but there’s nothing to stop me from being a biological father thanks to modern science."

From day one, man did not need “modern science” to reproduce. A male’s body is not designed to carry a child–so don’t fool yourself.

Take away all the toys, condoms, and other tools that man has invented and sex is all about reproduction. Is the usage of such “devices” wrong? I’ll leave that up to the individual. But if we want to know the original intent of such an important part of love between a man and a woman, one should take away all these added man-made features for the answer.

If you were to read anything I have said on this issue in the past, I acknowledge the fact that:

a) The black community must do a much better job in addressing this issue–especially the church.Absorbing the skills of gays while expecting them to keep quiet is wrong.

b)Gays were a part of the civil rights movement.

On (b), while gays were a part of the civil rights movement–THE MOVEMENT WAS ABOUT BLACK EQUALITY–not the gay agenda.

What really gets me about this whole issue is while numbers of gay individuals will play down the fact that both a mother (female) and father (male) is needed to raise a child, many gay couples will still have one partner play the role of “husband” and the other will be the lesser dominate figure.

"Marriage isn’t for reproducing, but all that comes after reproduction, as it can create an environment of love, support and stability in which a child can grow."

So why bring children into your equation if it isn’t about reproduction?

Comment by Duane

I agree with many of the points Terrance made. I personally don’t think that gays are saying or I’ll speak for myself, that the gay Civil Rights movement is equal to the Black Civil Rights movement. However, injustice and discrimination are just that whether it’s based on race, sexual ORIENTATION or disability and as human beings we shouldn’t stand for injustice for any group of people.

Heterosexuals and religous zealouts always talk about marriage being for pro-creation, so does that mean 2 people are sinning if they get married and have no children? You mean they don’t deserve to be married? Does that mean that once a woman is past her procreation years she should divorce her husband? The answers to these questions point to one simple fact. Marriage is not solely about pro-creation, but about a much deeper bond, which includes love and companionship. This is the very SAME love and companionship that same sex couples have for one another. And Duane, please don’t be as ignorant to believe that just because Terrance referred to his “husband” that that means he thinks of himself as the “wife”. You have to move outside of a heterosexist mind set that many people hold. Two men in a relationship are just that, two men. Some may see themselves as more effiminate than their partner, but that doesn’t mean that all same sex couples operate that way.

In relation to marriage and heterosexuals, there are many who make a mockery of the institution. The divorce rate continues to rise and some heterosexuals make an even bigger mockery when they marry someone on live TV after knowing them for 3 months and competing against 20 other women to marry him for his money. You can’t expect same gender loving couples who have built strong, healthy relationships over years to sit back and not feel slighted over the lack of seriousness that many heterosexuals have made over marriage.

Bottom line is, marriage is about love, companionship and growing old with the person you love. That should not be limited only to a man and a woman. Homosexuality is not only about sex. Some gay men have mulitple sex partners as do heterosexual men. You have plenty of str8 men who have sex with as many women as they can, it’s more a “man thing” than a “gay man thing”.

I commend Terrance and his husband for stepping up and taking care of chldren that are left behind by damaged heterosexual relationships. It’s a fundamental injustice as Terrance pointed out to not be allowed to have the same legal rights that married couples have, especially if you’ve been with your partner for 5, 10, 15 years. Yes there are same sex couples who have been together for more than a decade and deserve the same rights as a legally married couple.

Saudia- get a life, you are stuck in the stone ages and need to open up your mind so that you can see the beauty in all human beings, not just the heterosexual ones.

Comment by Absolutelee


Absolutelee,

"I personally don’t think that gays are saying or I’ll speak for myself, that the gay Civil Rights movement is equal to the Black Civil Rights movement."

Then you have not read the article or kept up with their campaigns in the black communtiy. These groups do not represent all gays no more than the NAACP represents all blacks, but they do regularly take such leaps to make their point.

"And Duane, please don’t be as ignorant to believe that just because Terrance referred to his “husband” that that means he thinks of himself as the “wife”. You have to move outside of a heterosexist mind set that many people hold. Two men in a relationship are just that, two men. Some may see themselves as more effiminate than their partner, but that doesn’t mean that all same sex couples operate that way."

I have met and know many gays for years now and I can tell you that my observation of these roles have been pretty consistant. I’m not speaking about Terrance’ situation because I have not met him or know him. I am just asking the question because those roles do exist in the homosexual community.

"Bottom line is, marriage is about love, companionship and growing old with the person you love."

And it is about having children (for those who are able to do so). This has been one of the most important parts of the institution of marriage since day one. Hey, we can beat around the bush all we want with this, but anatomy does not lie. Remember, it was a heterosexual relationship that brought you into the world.

Might I ask what are “rising” numbers of committed homosexual relationships?

Peg,

I am not understanding your point here. Should we talk about the outrageous comparisons to the holocaust, or is that different?

Again, treating ANYBODY regardless of race, religion, class, or sexual preference in any way except as a human being is wrong. Let’s not forget that a bulk of this issue has nothing to do with the right to marry–it has everything to do with this ideology that suggests that if you do not personally condone or agree with the homosexual lifestyle, then you are a bigot.

Comment by Duane

Duane, you are corrrect on the point that it is a heterosexual relationship that bought this beautiful human being into this world and I don’t suggest that heterosexual relationships are not valid and that procreation isn’t a needed things, of course it is. What I am saying is that I don’t believe that pro-creation alone makes the basis of a valid relationship.

When you tell a group of people (gays and lesbians) who have history, historical significance and contribute in every way to this society (just as Black’s have and still do), they deserve the rights that everyone else has.

I think heterosexuals just don’t understand how much freedom and power you have that gays don’t. If I were to die and have tons of assets that I want to leave to my partner, and some of this depends on state law, but my partners family can come and take all that or legally contest it more easily than if I were married. If you’re married and you put that in your will, law will respect that and family can’t do anything. There have been cases where gay couples have been together for years, and family has disowned them. One dies and plans to leave his assets to his partner, but then here comes the family trying to get compensated from a life they chose to deem insiginificant to them prior. How do you think that would make you feel if you put 10 years into a commited loving relationship to have this happen to you and you have no REAL legal protection? I have no legal protection stating that if my partner were in the hospital in the emergency room to see him if the hospital staff sticks to a “family only” policy. I can’t legally deem my partner family if we can’t marry.

And don’t think that heterosexuals who are in committed relationships and choose not to marry don’t get shafted by the Right Wing Homophobic biggots. All these laws about sodomy and banning second parent adoptions has impacted heterosexuals too.

What’s more disturbing is that much of the propeganda that so called religous moralists espouse they themselves don’t live up to! This has been seen time and time again in the anti-gay preacher who gets caught dating or having sex with men secretly. This happens with preachers who steal money for their own gains from their hard working congregation who THOUGHT they were giving to the church programming fund. This happens when a presidential administration gives lip service to improving the lives of the poor, but then allows many of them to be washed away with a hurricane and have their lives utterly destroyed because they chose not to act on information they had that told them that was going to happen in enought time to have made a huge difference in the mortalilty rate of Hurricane Katrina.

THESE are things we need to worry about. We need to stop focusing so much money and attention on banning same sex marriages and civil Rights, when the real fight needs to be about decreasing poverty, dealing with the very real problems of violence in our communities, the decline of young Black males in America and the list goes on. Preachers in Black churches should be focusing more on these REAL social epidemics rather than kissing the presidents ass to get money, favors or whatever else they feel they are gaining. While they attack gays, Blacks continue to suffer. Don’t get me wrong, I realize that Black preachers ARE doing something about these social epidemics, but they could do more if their attention wasn’t diverted.

The real sin that is created by homophobic bigots has to do with the after effects of homophobia and bigotry which can be seen in the lives of some Black Gay men every day. This is in part what is fueling the HIV epidemic among us and contributing to men not feeling they can be open about their same sex attractions.

(Duane, I haven’t read your site, so I don’t know what your previous posts say about your feelings on gays in general, so I’ll say to you “If it doesn’t apply, let it fly”. But I do know from what I’ve read of other comments on this post that there are people who can benefit from my soapbox speech.)

Bottom line is, I don’t need anyone to tell me that I am going to meet Lucifer because I love a man. Don’t judge me based on my sexual ORIENTATION, and worry about the sins you may be committing and rectify those!

Comment by Absolutelee

"What I am saying is that I don’t believe that pro-creation alone makes the basis of a valid relationship."

Okay, that is what you choose to believe. But pro-creation has always been a part of the cornerstone of marriages in general. What many (not all) the the gay movement do on a regular basis is to minimize this part of marriage by doing things like seeking to remove “father” from a child’s birth certificate (see one of the articles that I refered to earlier).

"I think heterosexuals just don’t understand how much freedom and power you have that gays don’t."

Again, homosexuals enjoy just as many freedoms as anybody else in this country. Like one of the commentors said earlier, he has knowingly “…employed both homosexuals, and transgendered people…” because they were right for the job, not sexual preference. If a person is right for the job, MANY (including me) in this country do not care. Only the media and gay activist groups focus on the few that do.

I have lived in communites where gay couples owned homes. There were no signs of protest. Like most developments, everybody kept to their own business. A very dear friend of mine lived next door to what I believe were two homosexual couples. He would always try to be friendly with them, but unfortunately they were not the same to him. Should I generalize and say ALL homosexuals are like that? Of course not. But I’m not buying the victim card here either.

Just like I am not generalizing with the homosexual community on bad encounters, please don’t do the same with groups that do not agree with you when you talk about the religious community. I can point to MANY in that community that will wholeheartedly love and embrace homosexuals without “soapboxing” them to death. I myself have had friends that I knew were homosexual. They knew where I stood, but we still had respect for each other.

"The real sin that is created by homophobic bigots has to do with the after effects of homophobia and bigotry which can be seen in the lives of some Black Gay men every day. This is in part what is fueling the HIV epidemic among us and contributing to men not feeling they can be open about their same sex attractions."

No, what fueling the HIV epidemic is a society that says you can have any kind of risky sexual behavior you choose because its all about “me”. But when diseases emerge, its all about “society” paying for the cleanup. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the necessary reseach to eraticate sexually-transmited diseases, just let it be non-government funded. And yes, this applies to both homosexual and heterosexual communities.

And lastly, on your example of legally having the ability to leave your assets to anyone you wish, I agree with you. But again, this barely make up a fifth of this ongoing issue.

Eugene- What the hell are you saying? I don’t understand!

The one part I do understand I’ll reply to: The reason heterosexuals don’t need to go around saying they’re hetero is because this hetersexist society assumes everyone IS or SHOULD be heterosexual. Most marginalized groups of people make their causes overt, because they need to educate and let the majority know that “we’re not takin’ your oppressive ways without a fight”. What do you think the Black Power movement was all about?

Saudia- You need to remove the hate from your heart. If you are a Christian and believe in morality, then you should also believe the old saying “live and let live”. You don’t have to agree with homosexuality and you don’t have to understand it, all you need to do is mind your own business and you won’t have to worry about seeing two men kiss. I’m sure you have more valuable things to do with your time. What you should worry about with your 2 year old son is that he grow up to be a productive citizen and not get caught up in the negativity and path of destruction that so many young Black men today seem to fall victim to.

Oh and one last thing, have you ever heard of Anita Bryant? If not here’s my point: She was vehemently opposed to homosexuality and went across the country on her crusade to demonize homosexuals. Well guess what the spokeswoman for homophobia had to deal with? A GAY son! God has a way of teaching people lessons who don’t have unconditional love in their heart.

Brian- What are you talking about?? You and Eugene must hang out 2gether.

Just so you know, mental instability is a human trait, many heterosexuals suffer from it to, so what’s your point? Another thing, homosexuality exists in nature among animals, and as much as we want to think we’re not animals, we are, just higher level and with greater intelligence. Do you mean to tell me that you believe that humans taught two male monkeys how to engage in same sex behavior? I don’t think so!

For all you pro-creation zealots- have you ever thought that maybe God thought that there would be an overpopulation problem on the planet and that same sex couples who choose not to have children not only help with population control, but also adopt the children that have been abondoned by heterosexual creations? After all, s/he created sterility too!

Comment by Absolutelee

What are your thoughts on this topic for or against?

Meeting Marz

I have been meaning to write this post for a week now, but better late than never. I finally met the infamous other Philly Blogger, Marz. I ran into him at Cosi on 12th and Walnut in Center City and we ended up having a delightful conversation for an hour or so. He is a really talented and well spoken young man and it was nice to meet him in person. I am always happy to see young people who are motivated to do big things with their life and Marz is certainly on that path.

You should check out his Blog because he will definitely keep you intruiged with his life adventures. It's funny because whenever I'm reading his Blog, I always forget that he's only 16! The boy has skillz, go on wit' your bad self!

Check out Marz if you haven't already, he's worth the read!