The Violence Among Us

I was speaking with a friend of mine from my hometown, Rochester, NY one night last week and he shared something with me that has disturbed me ever since that conversation. He was getting me up to speed on some things going on there when he told me about a young gay man who was violently attacked by another gay person. There are several reasons why this disturbed me so deeply:

1. I knew the young man who was attacked because he used to frequent the youth program I used to run at the MOCHA Project in Rochester.
2. I also know the attacker who is a FTM transgender and someone who I've always been cool with, but had heard stories about how violent she can be, though I've never been witness to it.
3. She chose to attack him with a hammer!
4. He had to spend several days in the hospital because he was so badly beaten
5. Both the attacker and the victim were Black.

When my friend told me what happened, my heart immediately went out to the victim because I know him and I also know that he's rather effeminate, small framed and his natural disposition isn't that of a fighter. Even if she didn't attack him with a hammer, he didn't have much of a chance against her because of her build and street sense.

I felt a deep sadness that not only did this occur between two Black people, but two Black people "in the life". I'm not sure how the attacker identifies herself in relation to the GLBT community, but I know I've seen her at gay establishments and she has gay male friends. I have heard her on more than one occasion mouth derogatory statements about "faggots this...........and faggots that", "I can't stand faggot assed, punk assed niggas" etc. To me when people say things like this, it speaks to the profound hurt they are going through in their identification with a community they consider themselves to be a part of, but at the same time have been hurt by. No Black person can divorce their Blackness no matter how bad they want to and I feel the same about a GLBT orientation (though some claim to have changed their life after asking the Lawd to deliver them).

What can be going through someone's mind as they run up on you, pull out a hammer and beat the shit out of you? I hope to never have that kind of hate in my heart, because that's the kind of hate that's self destructive and often ends up destroying others in the process. As Black GLBT folks, we have a hard enough time being accepted by our communities, by our families and by our peers. We DON'T need the negativity that comes from our own Black GLBT brother's and sister's. All the shade, back biting, violence and disrespect has to be diminished if we have any chances of developing a sense of community or at minimum a collective well being and relationships with other Black GLBT people. We do more damage to each other than any non-Black GLBT person or heterosexual person of any race could do. Notice I said these things need to diminish and not cease altogether. I'm a realist and know that there will always be shade, cattiness etc, but I think it's detrimental to our individual and collective health and well being with the pervasiveness that it exists now.

I've talked with several Black gay men who talk about how their attitude and shade comes from a sense of not wanting to be hurt by peers, so they adopt an attitude of "the best offense is a good defense" (meaning I'll get you before you get me). If we are so busy being un-trusting of our brothers and sisters, how do ever get to a point where we see them as our supports in a racist, heterosexist, homophobic society? If we're busy beating each other up how do we form loving bonds and relationships with each other? How do we pull each other up from the throws of substance abuse and addiction, which disproportionately impacts GLBT persons?

I don't have the answers to these questions, but what I do know is that we have to figure out solutions soon because this violence isn't only destroying us, but it's destroying our communities, families and our children and threatens to destroy our children's children. We don't have to like everyone, but that doesn't mean we have to violate each other physically and verbally when we don't get along. My sympathies go out to JB (the victim) and I hope he recovers and will be able to move on with his life. I also have some sympathy for the attacker because she has a lot of hate in her heart, which means she's in a lot of pain. My hope is that one day she's able to get to the root of that pain and is able to heal the anger that has festered inside and led her to an adult life of violence, illegal activity and prison. This can't be the life of a person who's happy with themselves, because if you are, then you don't need to destroy someone else as she did to JB.

Spread the love in '06, because our collective health and well being depends on it.